All The Ways We've Described Rob Gronkowski In 2015

Rob Gronkowski, who will bleed Grey Goose if you cut him, had quite a year. After the Patriots won the Super Bowl, Gronk was shirtless, twerking, and shirtless while twerking. Here are all the things we’ve called the tight end while chronicling his exploits: Walking Bacardi handle Pass-catching bicep Walking beer pong tournament Human cloud of hookah smoke …who wasn’t born so much as fermented in a vessel for two months Self-aware lump of protein powder Muscle-bound toddler The answer to the question “What if an EDM track somehow learned how to play football?” Enormous highlighter A bottle of Muscle Milk come to life Cheerful ogre Beer golem Gregarious tricep Enchanted beer bong Perspiring colossus Perpetual air-humping machine Human Jock Jam Alcohol enthusiast Photo: AP Contact the author at [email protected].

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